"INTOLERABLE CRUELTY"
Screenplay by
Robert Ramsey, Matthew Stone
Ethan Coen & Joel Coen
Based on a story by
Robert Ramsey, Matthew Stone
and John Romano
FIRST DRAFT
3/25/97
BEVERLY HILLS STREET - NIGHT
It is late night, and deserted. Engine noise approaches;
headlights appear; as the car draws closer we hear singing.
It is a Mercedes convertible and as it roars by, the singing --
a sloppy baritone and a giggling soprano -- whooshes by with
it.
We hold as another car approaches. This one is a conservative
sedan, whose occupant does not sing.
INSIDE THE CONVERTIBLE
The middle-aged driver is in a tuxedo with a rumpled shirt
and cocked bow tie. He is flushed, a Rogue forelock bouncing
over his forehead, and he merrily sings "Casey Jones" along
with the passenger, a young woman in a party dress who
squeals, rocks with the motion of the car, and
enthusiastically pipes in on the chorus.
ANOTHER EMPTY STREET
The convertible makes a hot turn onto the street and
approaches with its singing.
REVERSE
The car enters and roars away. After a beat of quiet, the
conservative sedan enters and recedes.
BEACH
We are at the Malibu Guest Quarters Motel. The singing,
squealing Mercedes screeches into the lot and rocks to a
halt.
The young woman staggers out still giggling, and holding a
half-empty bottle of champagne.
The man tosses her a key with a large plastic tag.
MAN
Number Seven.
She trots away.
The man twists his rear-view mirror to look at himself. He
straightens his bow tie. He puffs his bounding forelock with
one finger, nods his head to make it bounce, grins
approvingly, and cocks a pistol-finger at his own reflection.
MAN
Zing!
MOTEL ROOM
The man enters and looks around. The young woman's dress is
tossed onto the bed but she is nowhere to be seen.
The man pulls an imaginary train whistle.
MAN
Choo! Choo!...
He looks around, in a closet, under the bed.
MAN
I'm a locomotive, baby! I'm the Wabash
cannonball! I'm a hunka-hunka
burninnnnn' love! I got fire in my
boiler and a fuh -- a fuh --
He is reacting to a long leg which pokes out from behind the
window curtain.
A salacious smiles spreads across his lips. He pulls on the
cord to draw back the curtain and reveal the young woman in
red panties and a bra and a saucily cocked conductor's cap.
YOUNG WOMAN
Tickets, please.
The man is stripping off his clothes.
MAN
Excuse me, Miss, is this the train
to Ecsssstasy?
YOUNG WOMAN
Pull in your ears, Rexie -- you're
comin' to a tunnel!
Rex lunges at the young woman and they tumble onto the bed
just as --
CRASH -- the door is kicked open and a short stocky black
man built like a bulldog and wearing a porkpie hat rushes
into the room with a video camera glued to his eye. He looks
like Clarence Thomas with a mustache.
MAN
I'm gonna nail your ass!
The young woman screams, clutching the sheets to her naked
bosom. Rex leaps from the bed, still clad only in his
chemindefer boxers, and darts around the room seeking egress.
The man with the video charges around the room following Rex
THE VIDEO IMAGE
Rex is stumbling around the room in a panic, looking for his
clothing. The camera swish-pans back to the young woman still
screaming in the bed.
MAN
I'm gonna nail your ass!!
We swish-pan back to Rex as he bends over to pick up his
trousers, mooning us.
MAN
I'm gonna nail your ass!
PULL BACK FROM THE VIDEO IMAGE
To reveal that we are in the detective -- Gus Petch's --
office.
GUS
I nailed his ass.
Faintly, from the television monitor we hear screaming and
mayhem.
WOMAN'S VOICE
Trains...
THE WOMAN
Watching the monitor, MARYLIN REXROTH is a sensual beauty,
with intelligence and class. She watches the monitor without
expression.
MARYLIN
...I thought he'd outgrown trains.
Gus Petch sits behind a desk.
GUS
They never grow-up, lady. They just
get tubby. Me, I've always had ample
proportions. But it's all muscle --
I'm hard as a rock. I'm not on of
these cream puff sit-behind-a desk
private dicks; I'm an assnailer
MARYLIN
So I see.
Faintly, from the monitor:
VOICE
I'm gonna nail your ass.
We hear the Young Woman SQUEAL. Marylin reacts.
MARYLIN
Hard to believe that's the best he
could do.
GUS
Probably you're the best he could
do.
MARYLIN
Oh. Thank you.
GUS
You're takin' it pretty well. I seen
'em weep like they'd hired me to
prove their husbands weren't fooling
around. And I seen 'em celebrate.
Like I just handed 'em a winning
lottery ticket.
Marylin turns her attention back to the screen.
MARYLIN
I'm just enjoying the movie.
TRACKING SHOT
All from the perspective of a moving automobile.
The moving shots show mansions, palm trees, boutiques; we
pass joggers, strolling businessmen holding cellular phones
to their ears, male models working as waiters at sidewalk
cafes, young women on roller blades who turn, smile, and
wave at the camera. It is la dolce vita Los Angeles style.
THE DRIVER
A handsome, fortyish man in a town car talks into cellular
phone. This is MILES MASSEY.
MILES
-- hello Marjory, any messages? Yeah?
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Have Wrigley look
up Oliphant v. Oliphant for its
relevance to the Chapman filing. She
took the kids where? Tahoe? Which
side of Tahoe. Great. If the cruise
goes all the way around the lake,
she left the state and she's in
breach. She can't leave the state.
Tell Wrigley to prepare a filing to
attach everything. Primary residence,
autos, stocks...
(Beat)
Sure. Put him through.
(Beat)
Hello Ross. What? She's sleeping
with the nanny? Well, you're
separated. She can sleep with -- is
this the one you slept with? Oh. A
guy? Interesting career choice. Hmmm?
Yes. I know you want her dead.
Everyone in your tax bracket wants
their ex wives dead.
EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSE
Rex is trying his key in the front door of his house. Finding
it doesn't, work he rattles the knob, then leans on the
doorbell.
We hear distant chimes.
REX
Honey! ...Honey?!
Finally, through the intercom:
MARYLIN
Rex. Get away from the door.
REX
Look, Marylin, can't we have a
civilized discussion about this?
MARYLIN
We are. And it's winding down.
REX
But Marylin, you know a divorce would
ruin me right now. Everything I have --
everything we have -- is tied up in
my business. The business is my entire
life.
MARYLIN
Are you forgetting about the Atcheson,
Topeka and the Santa Fe?
REX
Marylin?
MARYLIN
Rex. Go away. I don't want to have
to sic the dogs on you.
REX
Dogs?
From inside the house we hear the menacing sound of LARGE
DOGS BARKING.
LETTERING
On an interior wall; it says MASSEY, MEYERSON, SLOAN &
GURALNICK.
A pull back shows that we are in a waiting room, and a
receptionist leans over her partition to chirp at Rex Rexroth.
RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Massey will be right with you.
INT. MASSEY MEYERSON CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Miles addresses a group of young Attorneys at the firm.
MILES
The problem is that everyone is
willing to compromise. That's the
problem with the institution of
marriage -- it's based on compromise.
Even through its dissolution. One
attorney will try to score some
points, the opposition will try to
impeach. The process will find an
equilibrium point determined by the
skill of the opposing lawyers, and
then each party will walk away with
their portion of the "goodies." Some
say, "Life is compromise." But at
Massey Myerson we believe life is
struggle and the ultimate destruction
of your opponent.
The Receptionist pokes her head into the conference room.
RECEPTIONIST
Your eleven o'clock is here.
MILES
Ladies and Gentlemen -- we will
continue this at the Associates
Meeting next Friday. In the meantime,
I want you to consider this... Ivan
the Terrible, Henry the VIII, Attila
the Hun -- what did they have in
common?
As he exits.
ASSOCIATE
Middle names?
MILES MASSEY'S OFFICE
You may have seen it in the issue before last of "World of
Interiors." There's a Rothko on the wall, an Elle Bleu humidor
on the desk, peonies in the vase, and the diploma is from
Yale.
MILES
Mr. Rexroth.
REX
Rex, please.
MILES
Miles Massey. Please sit, relax, and
consider this office your office,
your haven, your war room -- for the
duration of the campaign.
REX
Thank you.
MILES
Now Rex.
He leans back in the leather executive chair behind his desk,
makes a steeple of his fingers, and dons his look of deepest
concern.
MILES
-- Tell me your troubles.
Rex, nervous, laughs ruefully.
REX
Jeez. Where do I start?
Miles gives an encouraging, rueful smile in return.
REX
...Well, my wife has me between a
rock and a hard place.
MILES
That's her job. You have to respect
that.
REX
When I first met Marylin -- Well, we
were crazy about each other. Not
emotionally, of course. We just
couldn't keep our hands off each
other.
MILES
Mm.
REX
But then... But then...
Quietly.
MILES
Time marches on. Ardor cools.
REX
No. Not exactly. It didn't exactly
cool. Marylin is a knock-out. And
very sexy -- but -- there's a lot of
it out there.
MILES
Ah.
REX
You know what I mean when I say "it."
MILES
Gotcha. No need to get anatomically
correct with me, Rex.
REX
Seems like there's more of it than
ever before --
MILES
Well, with the expanding global
population -- Let me ask you this --
your wife. Has she pursued the
opportunities which must present
themselves to the "knock-out, sexy
woman" you described?
REX
I don't know. I can assume...
MILES
Not in court you can't. Has she
retained counsel?
REX
I'm not sure.
MILES
And your wife is aware of or has
evidence of your activities?
REX
Video.
MILES
Mmm... And to cut to the chase,
forensically speaking -- is there a
pre-nup?
Rex hangs his head.
Miles sighs sympathetically.
MILES
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in
our stars, but in ourselves. Well,
let me ask you this: what kind of
settlement do you seek? What are,
for you, the parameters of the
possible?
REX
That's the problem. I can't afford
to give her anything.
MILES
Nothing?
REX
I know that sounds rough but I'm
about to close on a deal to develop
some mini-malls, and I'm mortgaged
up to my ass. If this deal goes south,
I'm ruined -- I'll lose millions.
MILES
So, you propose that in spite of
demonstrable infidelity on your part,
your unoffending wife should be tossed
out on her ear?
REX
Well -- is that possible?
Miles smiles at him.
EXT. RUNNING PATH - SAN VICENTE BLVD. - MORNING
Marylin power walks along the San Vicente Bike Path with her
friends SARAH SORKIN and RAMONA BARCELONA. It's early, but
the path is crowded with bikers, bladers, runners, power
walkers, wheelchair racers etc. Ramona pushes her infant in
a baby jogger.
SARAH
You want to come out to the beach
house tomorrow?
MARYLIN
I didn't know Barry had a beach house.
SARAH
Neither did I until my lawyer found
it -- quite a paper trail -- he had
it in the dog's name.
RAMONA
(To Marylin)
So who'd you hire?
MARYLIN
Ruth Rabino.
SARAH
She's a legend. Didn't she do Kravis
or a Pearlman? She definitely did a
Factor.
MARYLIN
She did a Harriman.
SARAH
Wow.
MARYLIN
In the words of my Private
Investigator, we're going to nail
his ass.
RAMONA
I've been trying to nail George's
for years, but he's very careful.
I'll just keep having children. I
think I'm pregnant, by the way.
SARAH
Ramona! Don't get Mia Farrow on us.
RAMONA
Three is not Farrow.
SARAH
Who's Rex's guy?
MARYLIN
Miles Massey.
SARAH
Of Massey Myerson?
MARYLIN
Do you know him?
SARAH
By reputation. He got Ann Rumsey
that cute little island of George's.
RAMONA
George was so impressed he hired him
when he divorced his second.
SARAH
Muriel Rumsey.
MARYLIN
Who's she?
SARAH
Now? She's a night manager at
McDonalds.
RAMONA
You should have tried to get pregnant
Marylin -- solidify your position.
MARYLIN
No.
RAMONA
You like kids.
MARYLIN
I can't have a baby with a man I
don't love... And I can't submit a
child to divorce.
SARAH
It's not so bad these days. Kids
like joint custody. Two sets of toys.
RAMONA
Maybe next time.
MARYLIN
Maybe.
SARAH
We do have a man for you.
RAMONA
Thorstenson Gieselensen. He just
separated from his third. He's in
fish. He is fish.
SARAH
She's keeping his name. And one of
his planes. And all seven of his
children
RAMONA
And only two are hers.
MARYLIN
Please. I'm not seeing anyone until
this is over. One husband at a time.
SARAH
I wish I had your discipline.
A COURTROOM
We are close on the person on the witness stand, a woman in
her 60's.
LAWYER
Mrs. Guttman, you have testified
that you were your husband's sexual
slave for thirty-six years, ever
since you were married --
WITNESS
Except for two years when he was in
the Navy, in Korea.
LAWYER
Prior to your marriage, what was
your profession?
WITNESS
I was a hostess. For Trans-World
Airlines.
LAWYER
What is your husband's profession?
WITNESS
He manufactures staples and industrial
brad-tacks. He's very successful.
JUMP BACK
At the counsel's table in the foreground Miles chats, voice
lowered with WRIGLEY, a boyish, bespectacled junior associate.
Beyond them we see the woman on the witness stand continuing
her testimony.
WRIGLEY
Wait... He wants to give her...?
MILES
Nothing.
WRIGLEY
And she has...?
MILES
Video.
WRIGLEY
What the fuck...?
Miles turns to Wrigley with a look of indignation. He gestures
to their surroundings.
MILES
Wrigley!
WRIGLEY
Sorry.
MILES
Sometimes I have serious doubts about
you.
WRIGLEY
I am very sorry.
MILES
Am I mentoring the wrong mentee?
WRIGLEY
No. You're not.
MILES
I could be mentoring Kramer. Kramer
clerked for Scalia.
Wrigley looks suicidal.
BACKGROUND LAWYER (O.S.)
Couldn't you simply walk away from
this abusive relationship?
WOMAN
No, he had the videos...
MILES
Anyway, I need a challenge. This --
He waves dismissively at the courtroom.
MILES
-- is not a challenge. I need
something I can sink my teeth into,
professionally speaking.
WOMAN
He would invite these girls home
from the staple factory to our
condominium in Palm Springs. He had
a device he called the Intruder.
JUDGE
Mr. Massey! I ask again, if you have
any questions for the complainant.
MILES
I'm sorry, your honor, I was just
conferring with my associate...
He rises.
MILES
Now then, Mrs. Guttman. Do you know
a gentleman named Morris Rudnick?
MRS. GUTTMAN
Well, yes, Morris is my accountant.
MILES
(sadly)
Accountant.
He reaches back and Wrigley puts a manila file in his hand.
MILES
We would like to offer these
photographs into evidence...
WAITING ROOM - MASSEY MEYSERSON
The receptionist leans over her partition to chirp at Marylin
and her attorney Ruth Rabinow. Ruth is a sturdy woman in her
late 60's. If Mrs. Guttman had gone to law school...
RECEPTIONIST
Mr. Massey will see you now.
CONFERENCE ROOM
In the middle of the Massy Meyerson conference table is a
large fruit and pastry plate.
The door swings open. Miles rises.
MILES
...Ruth!
They shake hands.
MILES
-- Ruth Rabinow, this is Rex Rexroth.
And you must be Mrs. Rexroth.
MARYLIN
And you must be Mr. Massey.
They appraise each other for a beat. They are impressed and,
they are impressive. As they settle in:
MARYLIN
(Sadly)
Hello, Rex.
REX
Marylin.
MARYLIN
Are you alright? You lost weight.
REX
My whole metabolism is -- off.
Miles has been staring at Marylin. She notices this, and
smiles shyly. He snaps out of it.
MILES
So, Ruth. How's Sam?
RUTH
Sam is Sam. He's taking up fly
fishing. He's in a yert in Montana.
MILES
A yert.
(To Rex)
Ruth is a living legend, Rex. At a
time when most women are in Boca,
having early bird specials -- she's
working so her husband can be in
Montana. In a yert.
REX
What's a yert?
RUTH
(Dryly)
I ran into your mother at the
radiologist last week.
MILES
What?!
RUTH
Oh, just a routine mammogram. She
said to say hello. She's going to
Positano with your brother's family.
A tight, terse smile from Miles.
MILES
How nice.
MARYLIN
Positano is beautiful. Remember when
we were there, Rex? We stayed in the
Santo Pietro? That hotel on the cliff?
REX
Yeah.
They drift for a moment.
RUTH
So, Miles. If you have a proposal,
let's hear it.
MILES
At this point my client is still
prepared to consider reconciliation.
RUTH
My client has ruled that out.
MILES
My client is prepared to entertain
an amicable dissolution of the
marriage without prejudice.
RUTH
That's delusional.
MILES
My client proposes a thirty day
cooling off period.
RUTH
My client feels sufficiently
dispassionate.
MILES
My client asks that you not initiate
proceedings pending his setting
certain affairs in order.
RUTH
Ha Ha.
MILES
(conceding the point)
Heh heh.
REX
What's so goddamn funny?
Miles lays a hand on his arm.
MILES
Please -- let me handle this.
He puts the clipboard away and looks carefully at Ruth.
MILES
-- So much for the icebreakers.
What're you after, Ruth?
RUTH
My client is prepared to settle for
fifty percent of the marital assets.
MILES
Why only fifty percent, Ruth? Why
not ask for a hundred percent?
RUTH
Oh brother. Here we go.
MILES
Why not a hundred and fifty percent?
RUTH
Yes. Maybe you're right, Miles. Maybe
we're being too conservative. Seventy
five percent.
Rex winces. Rubs his stomach. Marylin leans forward and
whispers to him.
MARYLIN
Do you need a Tagamet?
REX
You have some?
She removes a pack of the tablets from her purse, along with
several vials of prescription drugs.
MARYLIN
These are yours.
MILES
Not according to Mrs. Rabinow.
She hands the pills to a grateful Rex. Their hands touch for
a moment.
MARYLIN
Have you been taking your digestive
enzymes?
REX
(Contrite)
Sometimes I forget.
She looks at him like a concerned parent. Miles and Ruth
watch the interaction.
MARYLIN
(To the attorneys)
I'm sorry. Where were we?
RUTH
We were about to request the primary
residence, and thirty percent of the
remaining assets.
MILES
Are you familiar with Kirshner?
RUTH
Kirshner does not apply. Kirshner
was in Kentucky.
REX
What's Kirshner?
MILES
Please -- let me handle this. Okay,
Ruth, forget Kirshner -- what's your
bottom line?
RUTH
The primary residence and FORTY
percent of the remaining assets.
You're becoming tedious Miles.
REX
Aren't we going in the wrong
direction?
MILES
Shhh. Please. Let me do my job.
(To Ruth)
Buy a clue, Ruthie. Have you forgotten
about Kirshner?
Ruth stands and closes her attaché case.
RUTH
See you at the preliminary.
Miles calls to Ruth's retreating back.
MILES
Fine. We'll eat all the pastry.
Going through the door, Ruth doesn't react, but Marylin
following, glances back -- bemused, but with a trace of a
smile.
Rex swallows two more tablets. He sits, looking despondent.
MILES
I think that went as well as could
be expected.
REX
She always looked out for me.
MILES
And she had private investigators
assisting her.
REX
(Sentimental)
She brought my digestive enzymes.
MILES
In anticipation of making you sick.
REX
Maybe I should reconsider my...
Miles looks at him. Shakes his head, sadly.
MILES
A superficial display of marital
solicitude, and you lose your resolve?
Rex. I underestimated you. But I'm
your attorney, and if you choose to
reward her for that mediocre charade
of spousal concern...
He shrugs, helplessly.
REX
You're right. Screw her.
INT. GYM - CLOSE ON
A woman walking across a gymnasium floor. Suddenly, she's
assaulted by a huge, grotesquely garbed assailant. His sweats
barely cover his massive, overdeveloped musculature. On his
head, a ski mask stretches over a padded football helmet. He
grabs the woman, yanks her back towards him. She reacts
swiftly. With a ferocious "NO," she stomps on his foot, and
smashes him in the face. The mugger raises his hands in a
gesture of submission.
APPLAUSE
We pull back and see that we are in a Self Defense Class.
Two instructors, two "muggers" and ten women students all
wearing T-shirts with the words IMPACT-Personal Safety.
Marylin and Sarah sit against the wall.
MARYLIN
I don't know what his game is. He
dismissed every one of Ruth's
proposals. And Sarah, we weren't
unreasonable.
SARAH
Well what does he want?
MARYLIN
I don't know. Ruth kept her cool,
but I could tell she was surprised.
SARAH
He has a reputation for being tough.
Marylin watches as a new "victim" begin her walk across the
gym.
MARYLIN
(Grinning)
Lilly's up.
SARAH
Oh, God!
The mugger emerges from his station and makes his way toward
the "victim." She glances over her shoulder, and at the sight
of the monster bearing down on her, screams and runs to the
exit. Marylin and Sarah giggle, but reproachful looks from
the other students force them to affect concerned looks.
MARYLIN
(Whispers)
Every week --
SARAH
I'm dying.
The two Instructors and the Mugger try to coax the sobbing
woman back into the room. They clasp her in an empathic group
hug.
MARYLIN
Anyway, even Rex seemed perplexed by
his intransigence. If I didn't know
better, I'd swear Massey had some
personal investment in my ruination.
SARAH
So where are you now?
MARYLIN
Well, if he continues to maintain
this position -- we're in court.
SARAH
Shit.
MARYLIN
Get this! He called and invited me
to dinner.
The INSTRUCTOR, a vivacious phys ed major, approaches Marylin.
INSTRUCTOR
Marylin? Ready.
MARYLIN
Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure.
Marylin gets up and coolly walks to center stage, passing
the traumatized Lilly.
SARAH
That's completely odd.
Marylin begins the Victim walk. The Mugger quickly moves up
from the rear.
MARYLIN
(To Sarah)
I know. That's why I accepted. Find
out what's up with this clown.
The Mugger is upon her. He grabs her hair. She stomps his
foot, and smoothly wheels around SMASHING him in the nose
with her elbow, while KNEEING HIM in the groin.
The women Cheer.
INSTRUCTOR
That was excellent, Marylin. But you
forgot to yell "no."
MARYLIN
Ah.
(Calmly, to the Mugger)
No.
CUT TO:
ELEGANT RESTAURANT - EVENING
Miles rises from his seat as Marylin enters.
MILES
Mrs. Rexroth. Thank you for coming.
The Maitre d' is pulling out a chair for her.
MARYLIN
I have to admit. I was curious. And
hungry.
MAITRE D'
Something to start? Some wine,
perhaps?
Miles glances at the wine list.
MILES
French?
(She smiles)
Bordeaux? Hmmm. Chateau Margaux '57.
Miles nods at the maitre d' who returns the nod and withdraws.
MARYLIN
I assume this is on Rex?
MILES
Isn't everything?
Miles regards her.
MILES
Your husband told me you were
beautiful, but I was unprepared.
MARYLIN
"Dismiss your vows, your feigned
tears, your flattery, for where a
heart is hard, they make no battery."
Miles leans back, props his chin on one fist, and considers
her.
MILES
Simon & Garfunkel?
She laughs.
MILES
Do you have a hard heart, Marylin.
MARYLIN
Did you see the tape?
MILES
Not yet.
MARYLIN
See the tape. Then we can discuss my
heart.
A waiter appears and pour a taste of wine which Miles sips
and -- He nods at the waiter who pours two glasses.
MARYLIN
Tell me Mr. Massey. What was your
performance about this afternoon?
MILES
What does your lawyer think?
MARYLIN
Ruth says you've been too successful,
that you're bored, complacent, and
you're on your way down.
MILES
But you don't agree?
MARYLIN
How do you know?
MILES
Why would you be here?
MARYLIN
I told you. I was hungry.
FLAP a menu enters frame. It is handed to Marylin; another
is handed to Miles.
MILES
I'll have the tournedos of beef. And
the lady will have the same?
(To Marylin)
I assume you're a carnivore.
MARYLIN
I know you do.
She addresses the waiter.
MARYLIN
Risotto with white truffles, please.
Miles looks at her with appreciation.
MILES
"Who ever lov'd that lov'd not at
first sight?"
MARYLIN
You didn't ask me here to pick me
up. You could get in trouble for
that.
MILES
Not really. You're not my client.
Freedom of association. Big issue
with the First Amendment fans. Want
to go to Hawaii for the weekend?
MARYLIN
Have you ever been married, Miles?
MILES
No.
MARYLIN
You don't believe in it.
MILES
As a matter of fact, I'm a huge fan.
MARYLIN
You just haven't met the right person.
MILES
No. I haven't. Have you?
She regards him for a moment.
MARYLIN
All right, Miles. Let me tell you
everything you THINK you know. I was
married to Rex for a long time. I
was an excellent wife, a partner, a
lover, a hostess and a friend. There
was only one thing I did wrong during
the five years we were together. I
got five years older. Think he should
be able to ditch me for that?
MILES
He wants a reconciliation.
MARYLIN
See the tape. Then we can discuss
reconciliation. Rex screwed up and I
nailed his ass. Now I'm going to
have it mounted and have my
girlfriends over to throw darts at
it. Then I'm getting on with my life.
That's all I'm after.
MILES
Gotcha.
MARYLIN
What is it you're after, Miles?
MILES
Oh, I'm a lot like you -- just looking
for an ass to mount.
MARYLIN
Well, don't look at mine!
VOICE (O.S.)
Oyez. Oyez. Family court for the
fifth district of Los Angeles County
is now in session.
COURT ROOM
A large black woman in judicial robes and raiment enters
from behind the Solomonic Platform.
CLERK
-- The Honorable Marva Munson
presiding. All rise.
Massey, Wrigley, and Rex Rexroth in between, rise. Rex and
Wrigley remain respectfully standing, facing forward, as
they whisper out of the side of their mouths:
REX
Have you sat before her before?
Wrigley considers.
WRIGLEY
-- the judge sits. We argue. We argue
before her. She sits before us.
REX
Okay. Has she sat before you before?
WRIGLEY
You can't sit before her. That's the
rule! She sits before we argue!
Miles glances over and hisses:
MILES
Shut! Up!
A GAVEL CRASHES
LATER
We are on a close lateral track of the jurors faces as they
sit, with earphones on, in the darkened courtroom, illuminated
by a flickering TV monitor.
Leaking tinnily through the headsets we hear a very faint:
VOICE
I'm gonna nail your ass.
The track ends over at Marylin's table, where Marylin also
wearing headphones, looks on with studied stoicism. Ruth
lays a consoling hand on her shoulder.
LATER
Marylin Rexroth now struggles to maintain her composure on
the witness stand. She is modestly dressed and her attitude
is one of shocked, wounded innocence.
MARYLIN
I was devastated. Of course.
RUTH
Thank you, Mrs. Rexroth.
JUDGE
Mr. Massey, any questions?
Miles soberly rises.
MILES
Mmmm --
He paces, hands clasped behind his back, affecting to be
lost in thought.
Marylin watches him.
Finally Miles, still pacing, declaims:
MILES
"Dismiss your vows, your feigned
tears, your flattery, for where a
heart is hard, they make no
battery..."
Marylin looks up from her handkerchief with a look of startled
irritation. Miles stops pacing and turns to face her with a
faint smile.
MILES
Do you know those lines, Mrs. Rexroth?
Marylin examines him with guarded eyes. Ruth sensing something
unscripted going on, tries to cut it off.
RUTH
Objection, your honor!
JUDGE
Grounds?
RUTH
Uh... poetry recitation.
MILES
Let me rephrase. Mrs. Rexroth, how
high is that wall around your heart?
Marylin eyes him suspiciously.
RUTH
Your honor, this is harassment! Arid
frankly it's still a little...
She flutters one hand.
RUTH
...arty farty!
MILES
Rephrase. Mrs. Rexroth, have you
ever been in love?
Marylin hesitates, gives a "what does this mean look" to
Ruth. She returns a "beats me."
MARYLIN
Yes. I loved my husband, Rex.
MILES
And you've always loved him?
Smiles slips out:
MARYLIN
"Who ever lov'd that lov'd not at
first sight?"
Miles returns a fleeting smile.
MILES
And you hoped to spend the rest of
your life with him?
MARYLIN
Yes. Why is that so difficult for
you to understand?
She looks at Rex with tender sorrow.
MARYLIN
Rex was -- is -- a very appealing
man. I am sorry I couldn't...
(Tearing up)
I tried my best.
Miles almost smiles. She's good.
MILES
That'll be all Mrs. Rexroth. Please
forgive me for causing you additional
anguish.
(To the Judge)
Thank you, Your Honor. No further
questions.
A Bailiff offers to help Marylin off the stand. She politely
and courageously declines.
JUDGE
Who's next, Mrs. Rabinow.
RUTH
We rest, Your Honor.
JUDGE
Mr. Massey?
MILES
Yes, Your honor. I call Patricia
Kennedy DeCordoba Isenberg.
BAILIFF
Patricia Kennedy DeCordoba Isenberg.
Marylin, in the process of reseating herself behind her table,
pauses.
Ruth notices this and leans in.
RUTH
Who's that?
MARYLIN
Jesus.
An attractive woman in her mid fifties advances to be sworn.
She was a beauty, but her glory days are past and she's not
taking it well. She looks tense and slightly hypo-manic. She
speaks in a breathy, giggly voice, and smiles frequently for
no apparent reason.
BAILIFF
Mrs. Isenberg.
PATRICIA
Banderas.
BAILIFF
Mrs. Banderas, do you solemnly swear
that the testimony you are about to
give shall be the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth so
help you God?
PATRICIA
Yes, Mr. Bailiff. I do.
MILES
Now, Mrs. Banderas. What is your
relationship to Mrs. Rexroth.
PATRICIA
We don't have much of a relationship
anymore. I haven't seen her since
before she married Rex. We had some
very nice times prior to that. We
were quite close.
RUTH
(To Marylin)
Is this a lover?
MARYLIN
Please!
MILES
And how would you define your
relationship to Mrs. Rexroth. You
know -- you are her...?
PATRICIA
Mother?
RUTH
What?!
Marylin sighs.
MILES
Her Mother?
Patricia smiles coyly. Gives Marylin a silly little wave by
way of greeting.
PATRICIA
Hi, Sweetie.
MILES
Hard to believe I know. I'm sure you
are frequently mistaken for sisters.
MARYLIN
(Mumbles)
He'll regret this.
MILES
Have you ever met Mr. Rexroth?
PATRICIA
No. I haven't. But I've been out of
town.
(Little girlish wave)
Hello, Rex. Hello there.
MILES
You were never invited to meet your
son-in-law?
PATRICIA
No. Uh uh. I don't think so. Hmm?
No. Well... no.
RUTH
Objection, Your Honor. This isn't
about Mrs. Rexroth's filial
obligations.
JUDGE
Sustained.
MILES
Did you know Mrs. Rexroth was married?
PATRICIA
Of course. Of course she was married.
What else would she be? Single? I
don't think so.
She laughs merrily at some private joke between her and her
psyche.
PATRICIA
Let me tell you something about Patty.
MILES
Who's "Patty."
PATRICIA
Oh. That's her name. Patricia. Like
mine. I was Pat and she was Patty.
But she changed it after seeing "Some
Like It Hot." To Marylin. After
Marylin Monroe.
MILES
I see. And what were you going to
tell us about Patty slash Marylin?
PATRICIA
When she was a tiny girl? And people
asked her what she wanted to be when
she grew up? She never said the usual
things little girls say -- like --
nurse -- ballerina -- anchorwoman?
She always said --
(Very Shirley Temple)
"When I grow up, I want to be
divorced."
She laughs happily at the memory.
MILES
Divorce was her childhood aspiration?
PATRICIA
Well, not just divorce. She used to
say "I want to be divorced from some
big dumb rich guy..." And I guess
her dream is coming true.
(To Marylin)
I'm happy for you Patty
INT. SARAH SORKIN'S BEACH HOUSE - NIGHT
Pasta being cooked. Salad being tossed. Wine glasses are
filled. It's Girl's Night at the beach.
MARYLIN
It was like that scene in The
Godfather. Frankie Pentangeli is
called to testify against the Family.
And he's in court, and he looks into
the spectators gallery, and sees his
Brother. They brought the brother
from Sicily. And Frankie can't say a
word. He can't testify. That's what
it was like seeing Pat in there. I
couldn't even have Ruth cross examine
her.
RAMONA
Why do you think she did it?
MARYLIN
(Shrugs)
Maybe she wanted a free trip to LA.
Maybe they offered her money. Massey
is very seductive. Who knows.
RAMONA
Maybe they put a horse head in her
bed?
SARAH
That stinks. They left you with
absolutely nothing. It makes you
wonder about the entire legal system.
Like Rodney King.
MARYLIN
They bought her speech. If I was
only in it for Rex's money, he
shouldn't have to give me any.
RAMONA
That doesn't make sense. It's like
punishing you for being goal oriented.
SARAH
Well, you can live here as long as
you want. Do you have any plans?
MARYLIN
Nothing specific, but I'll have my
own place soon.
SARAH
So, Marylin. Is that what you said
when you were a little girl?
MARYLIN
Probably. Every woman in my life was
divorced at least twice. What was I
supposed to say. Anthropologist?
RAMONA
I begged you to have a baby!
MARYLIN
In the Godfather, after the courtroom
scene, Frankie Pentangeli opens his
veins in the bathtub.
SARAH
You're not...
MARYLIN
No. I'll see some blood before this
is over, but it won't be mine.
CUT TO:
INT. GIANT MOCK TUDOR - BEVERLY HILLS
Miles is at his weekly chess game with his college friend,
DR. KENNETH BECK, a disaffected plastic surgeon. Miles, Cohiba
in hand, studies the board. Dr. Ken sips his Merlot. Moves a
piece.
MILES
She got absolutely nothing. Zero.
Zip.
KENNETH
So. I won't be seeing her? Your
clients usually visit me after the
settlement.
MILES
Not this one. Not unless her HMO
covers plastic surgery, which,
incidentally, she does not need.
KENNETH
Everyone needs plastic surgery. You
need it.
MILES
I don't need it.
KENNETH
You want Botox?
MILES
What the hell is Botox?
KENNETH
It's a form of botulism. I just inject
it into your forehead, and it
paralyzes your eyebrows so you can't
raise them...
MILES
Why in God's name would I want...?
KENNETH
No frown lines.
(Notices Miles watch)
New watch?
MILES
It's a LeCoultre Revers. You can
flip the face, and set it for two
time zones.
KENNETH
Why would you need two time zones?
You never leave Beverly Hills.
MILES
It was a gift from a client.
KENNETH
Set one side for Bel Air.
MILES
Botox. Christ. We had aspirations
when we were in college.
KENNETH
We did not.
MILES
You were going to be a Cardiac
Surgeon. I was going to clerk for
the Supreme Court.
KENNETH
I was going to play golf. You were
going to have Asian girlfriends.
MILES
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Kenneth moves a chess piece.
KENNETH
You're in check.
MILES
I should be in therapy.
INT. MILES MASSEY'S OFFICE
Miles addresses BONNIE DONOVAN, a client.
MILES
Yes. Your husband did show remarkable
foresight in taking those pictures.
And, yes, absent a swimming pool,
the presence of the pool man would
appear to be suspicious. But Bonnie,
who is the real victim here? Let me
suggest the following. Your husband,
who on a prior occasion slapped you --
beat you --
BONNIE
(Reacts)
Well, I wouldn't say --
MILES
Your husband, who has beaten you --
repeatedly --
BONNIE
He --
MILES
Please -- was at the time brandishing
your firearm, trying in his rage to
shoot an acquaintance -- friend of
long standing --
BONNIE
They hate each other --
MILES
So he says now! But if not for your
cool headed intervention, his tantrum
might have ended this schmoe's life
and ruined his own... As for the
sexual indiscretion which he imagined
had taken place, wasn't it in fact
he who had been sleeping with the
pool man?
He stares contemplatively at the ceiling and, after a beat,
responds to the silence:
MILES
Am I going to far here?
A squawk box interrupts with a female voice.
VOICE
Mr. Massey, Mr. Meyerson would like
to see you when you have a moment.
Miles is surprised.
MILES
Herb wants to see me?
VOICE
When you have a moment.
INT. OFFICE
Slatted shades are drawn against the sun. It is dim, gloomy.
We can just make out the shape of an ancient man -- small,
hunched -- seated behind an enormous desk. A gallows shape
next to him is hard to make out; it is tall, rail thin and
fixed with a swinging, glinting appendage.
A voice -- old, dry, rasping, lightly accented of a long-
gone Brooklyn boyhood -- seems disembodied and sourceless,
as if it is the voice of the gloom itself.
VOICE
Thoity-six objections sustained,
tree overruled; fawteen summary
judgements sought, toiteen ranite,
eighteen movments to voice fuh
respondent's prejudice, eighteen
ranite which is a hunnut pissent
An arm is being extended toward us and the glinting appendage
swings with it: we see that it is an IV which snakes down
and into the hunched man's suit sleeve.
VOICE
-- Twelve cawt days on the Rexrawt
case alone; tree hunut'n twenty
billable hours paralegal soivicies;
four hunnut'n two billable associate
counsel and consultative; six hunnut'n
eighty billable at full attorney
rate and eightyfive lunches charged.
Miles takes the man's offered hand, withered and roped with
veins, and accepts its clammy shake.
VOICE
-- Counseluh, you are the engine
that drives this foim --
He leans back in his chair, breathing heavily, and runs a
tongue over his sandpapery lips. He is wearing oversize Swifty-
Lazar style glasses, heavily tinted in spite of the dark.
At length
MILES
Thank you Herb.
INT. MILES OFFICE
Miles sits behind his desk, fingers steepled, staring at
nothing, a haunted look on his face.
His intercom SQUAWKS:
VOICE
Mr. Massey --
MILES
Please! No calls! I'm feeling very
fragile.
VOICE
I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt
certain you'd want to know -- Marylin
Rexroth wants to see you.
MILES
Marylin Rexroth? When does she --
VOICE
She's here now.
INT. PRIVATE BATHROOM
Miles runs his fingers through his hair, carefully examining
himself in the mirror. Suavely smiling.
MILES
Marylin! How nice.
He clears his throat, begins again with lower pitch, suave
smile still in place
MILES
Marylin! How lovely, uh --
He runs a finger across his teeth, which squeak, then puts
back the suave smile
MILES
-- Marylin! What a pleasure --
DOORWAY
On Miles as he opens the door, suavely smiling.
MILES
Marylin, what a pleas -- who the
fuck are you?
Facing him in the doorway is a large roughly handsome middle
aged man in a business suit.
Just behind him is Marylin Rexroth, looking as coolly
beautiful as ever. She smoothly puts in:
MARYLIN
Miles, how nice of you to see us --
may I introduce Howard D. Doyle of
Doyle Oil.
DOYLE
I told you we know each other, baby.
Mr. Massey represented my ex-brother-
in law. Martin Reiser?
MILES
Oh. Right. Won't you have a seat?
DOYLE
(To Marylin)
After you, Doll.
Marylin glides into the office. Seats herself on the couch.
Doyle sits next to her, one proprietary hand on her knee.
MILES
And how is Mrs. Reiser?
DOYLE
Few suicide attempts, little inpatient
stint. Naturally, she misses her
kids. Six weekends a year and
alternate Yom Kippurs seemed harsh
to us but -- hey -- all's fair.
Anyhoo, she lives with a "nurse,"
takes her meds and goes to
occupational therapy at a local
sheltered workshop.
MILES
So she's uh, flourishing?
DOYLE
She makes felt wallets. Got one right
here.
Doyle pulls out a deranged piece of felt stuffed with money.
Most of the contents slip to the floor.
DOYLE
Yeah. I know. Leather would be more
practical, but whatcha gonna do?
MARYLIN
Miles, I know you're busy and that
you charge by the hour so I'll come
to the point. Howard and I are
planning to marry.
Miles is stunned.
MILES
Muh -- Well, uh -- Huh?
DOYLE
Yep. My divorce just came through.
Shoulda called you. Coulda cut a
better deal! My wife still has health
insurance and gets to see the
children. But, I don't know. Guess
I'm just a softie. After all Amanda
and me were together for -- what --
you'd know better than me, Marylin.
She was your best friend.
MARYLIN
(Thinks)
Sixteen years? Howard Jr. is fourteen
and Mandy must be what -- twelve?
DOYLE
(To Miles)
Here. Got pictures.
He removes a family photo from the felt wallet. It's of Howard
and two fat teenagers. Apparently the former Mrs. Doyle was
cut out, but an ear and part of a hairdo are sill visible in
the shot.
MILES
I... uh guess congratulations are in
order.
DOYLE
Well -- Marylin and Rex broke up
and...
MARYLIN
Honey, I don't think this is really
relevant to...
DOYLE
...and one day, this sweet girl calls
me, asks me to lunch. Just a shoulder
to cry on deal. One thing leads to
another and before I know it --
MARYLIN
-- we realized we'd always been very
attracted to one another.
MILES
No!
DOYLE
I had no idea until after, but --
He looks at her with predatory lust.
DOYLE
Baby. You are so HOT!
MARYLIN
(Coy)
Howard!
He pulls her close to him and plants a massive kiss on her.
MILES
What a touching story.
DOYLE
You know, Miles, after my wife --
wife's mastectomy -- things were
never the same. This might sound
cold, well, maybe not to you, Massey,
but...
(man to man)
I like my women with two boobs.
Miles flashes Marylin a "you are KIDDING" look, but she
assiduously avoids eye contact.
MARYLIN
Howard and I are here, Miles, because
I have learned through bitter
experience that when it comes to
matrimonial law, you are the very
best.
Miles acknowledges this with a curt nod.
MARYLIN
As you are well aware, my previous
marriage ended with an unjustified
strain on my reputation My motives
were questioned. I was slandered in
court.
DOYLE
You did good, Massey!
MARYLIN
Therefore in an effort to remove any
trace of suspicion from my sweet
Howard -- I wish to execute a pre-
nuptial agreement.
DOYLE
And -- there's no talking her out of
it. Believe me, I've tried.
MARYLIN
They say the Massey pre-nup has never
been penetrated.
DOYLE
She said "penetrate." Heh heh heh.
He gropes her. She giggles like a teenager.
MILES
Oh, for the love of...
MARYLIN
That is true, isn't it Miles? Your
pre-nup is the best there is?
MILES
That is correct. Not to blow my own
horn, but they devote an entire
semester to it at Harvard Law.
DOYLE
Harvard? Whoa, Daddy!
MILES
I just want to make sure that you
both --
He eyes Marylin.
MILES
-- understand what you're asking for
here. The Massey pre-nup provides
that in the event of a dissolution
of the marriage for any reason, both
parties shall leave it with whatever
they brought in, and earned during.
No one can profit from the marriage.
The pre-nup protects the wealthier
party.
DOYLE
Well -- at the moment, that'd be me.
MILES
And without it, that party is exposed --
a sitting duck. No wriggle room.
DOYLE
A Wriggle Room! Maybe we should put
that in the Malibu house. Screw the
screening room!
MILES
(slightly sickened)
-- and we are sure...
Eyes boring into Marylin.
MILES
-- we are both sure that's what we
want?
MARYLIN
Absolutely.
DOYLE
Course I can't do much "wriggling"
if you tie me up like that again.
Massey -- this is one bad bad little
girl.
MARYLIN
(laughing)
We'd better go before we get thrown
out.
ELEVATOR BANK
Marylin and Howard wait for an elevator as Miles trots out
to catch them.
MILES
Excuse me, Mr. Doyle, if I could
just borrow your charming fiancee
for a moment.
DOYLE
What part?
MILES
I'd just like to have a word with
her.
DOYLE
Why not? I'm going to have her for a
lifetime.
Miles drags her to the side as Doyle checks his Sports Pager.
MILES
What are you doing?
She backs up as he tries to close the space between them.
MARYLIN
Getting married.
MILES
To him? He's a sick freak.
MARYLIN
He's passionate.
MILES
Passionate! He's a pervert. He should
have to register when he moves.
MARYLIN
All girls enjoy a little rough trade
from time to time.
MILES
Marylin! Listen to me.
MARYLIN
No. You listen to me.
(Very quiet and
deliberate)
You busted me, Miles. You left me
with nothing! What did you expect me
to do? Get a degree in counseling?
Write a book about table linen?
Because that's what wives do when
they get dumped, and frankly, I'm
not quite ready for that.
MILES
But why him?
MARYLIN
We told you. We realized we've always
been in love.
He has backed her against the wall of an alcove which shelters
a flowering ficus.
MILES
The Massey pre-nup has never been
pene -- successfully challenged.
MARYLIN
So I hear. Is that all?
MILES
No, that's not all.
He moves to kiss her.
MILES
You fascinate me.
She deftly slides out of the way. Miles watches her as she
heads down the hall. As she gets on the elevator, Howard
grabs her butt with one hand, while giving Miles a high sign
with the other.
INT. HOWARD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Miles stares at the chessboard.
MILES
Do you think I'm going to end up
like Herb Myerson, with a colostomy
bag instead of a family?
KENNETH
Got any symptoms?
MILES
Yes. The inability to experience
pleasure.
KENNETH
Oh. That.
(beat)
Don't waste time with your queen.
MILES
What?
KENNETH
The Center Counter Defense. The thing
is not to move your queen too early.
MILES
She can't really love that idiot,
can she?
KENNETH
What?
MILES
Marylin Rexroth. She came into my
office and signed a pre-nup with
Howard Doyle.
KENNETH
Doyle Oil?
(Miles nods)
A Massey Pre-nup?
(Miles nods again)
She loves him.
MILES
He's the wrong man.
KENNETH
Miles! Don't waste time with someone
else's queen, either.
EXT. A WEDDING BOWER - AKA CHUPPA
From behind the bower, RABBI BOLENSKY emerges, strumming his
guitar and singing:
BOLENSKY
Parsley sage, rosemary and thyme --
Remember me to one who lives there...
A pullback reveals Howard D. Doyle before the altar with
Marylin. He is in a tuxedo and yarmulke. She is dressed in a
simple, Kennedy-type gown.
BOLENSKY
-- she once was a true love of mine.
The last arpeggiated chord rings out; birds tweet, everyone
sits.
As Miles and Wrigley seat themselves, Wrigley is sniffling.
Miles is irritated.
MILES
What the hell is wrong with you?
WRIGLEY
I can't help it. Even with the
business we're in, I -- it gets me
every time. It's so -- optimistic.
MILES
Is she going through with it?
As the crowd quiets with the end of the song, Wrigley murmurs:
WRIGLEY
If she's not going through with it,
she's cutting it awful close.
RABBI BOLENSKY
Parsley Sage Rosemary and Thyme.
Ingredients. Spices. Spicy ingredients
for the banquet we call -- life.
Marriage is like a Great Feast.
Courtship is the Appetizer. A small
mixed green taste of things to come.
The Early Years -- The First Course --
a carefully poached fish dish
dependent on freshness and delicate
handling. Or perhaps a light pasta --
a tortellini stuffed with cheese and
hope.
WRIGLEY
(Whispers, to Miles)
You have any gum or mints?
RABBI
The main course -- Mature Love -- a
hearty stew, cooked slowly in the
oven of companionship until the meat
falls off the bone. And then --
dessert. The reward for years spent
together -- the sweetness of a Life
Well Lived. A sorbet of grandchildren,
followed by the decafe demitasse of
retirement.
There is silence, broken only by the twitter of birds and
the restlessness of a hungry audience.
Finally:
RABBI BOLENKSY
Do you Chaim David Doyle, take Marylin
to be the Barbara to your Wolfgang
though the lean years as well as
those that are heavily marbled?
DOYLE
I do.
RABBI BOLENSKY
And do you, Marylin Rexroth, take
Chaim to be the roux in your bechamel?
The stock in your sauce?
MARYLIN
I do.
MILES
Argh.
Heads turn. Miles bites a knuckle. Birds twitter.
RABBI BOLENSKY
Then, by the power vested in me by
the state of California, and as the
maitre'd in the Prix Fixe Four Star
Restaurant of Life, I now pronounce
you -- man and wife...
A kiss. Cheers. Applause.
A RECEPTION ON THE GROUNDS
Rabbi Bolensky strolls through the crowd with a heaping
platter of smoked salmon.
Miles is darkly brooding as Wrigley opens a Tiffany box to
show him the contents.
WRIGLEY
What do you think?
MILES
What are they?
WRIGLEY
Berry spoons.
MILES
Spoons! Honestly Wrigley, I'm
surprised at you. What is this? Some
Martha Stewart suggestion? Those are
the most cockamamie things I've ever --
WRIGLEY
Miles -- why so angry?
Miles sounds wistful:
MILES
Why couldn't we be the club sandwich?
Ding Ding -- Howard D. is tapping a knife against his wine
glass. The crowd quiets.
DOYLE
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls:
I have something to say to my bride.
Howard D. turns to one side to address Marylin, taking one
of her hands between his paws, as she beams up at him.
DOYLE
-- Darling, like the rabbi said...
life is a banquet, A Grand Bouffe,
and Marylin, darling... I just want
you to know that I am IN the kitchen
and I CAN STAND THE HEAT!
Laughter from the gallery.
DOYLE
And I'm going to start this marriage
by EATING MY WORDS. Because the hot
hors d'oerve of this love story is --
Pre-nup Primavera!
He reaches into his breast pocket and withdraws a piece of
paper.
DOYLE
Carmine! Bring on the Pesto!
A Caterer places a plate and a bowl of sauce in front of
Doyle. Marylin looks on, surprised and bemused.
DOYLE
-- This is for you, darling.
He starts tearing strips off the piece of paper, dipping
them into the sauce, and eating them. His mouth stuffed with
paper, Doyle repeats:
DOYLE
-- this is for you, Darling.
The crowd is murmuring--the murmurs grow in volume -- a
smattering of applause -- cheers -- more applause -- wild
cheers. Slowly rhythmically, Miles starts thumping his hand
together, nodding comprehension.
MILES
Brilliant.
Next to him Wrigley is puzzled.
WRIGLEY
Why is he doing that?
Miles' hand-clapping accelerates.
MILES
Brilliant. It's brilliant. He's eating
the pre-nup.
Wrigley's eyes widen. He looks back at Doyle eating the paper.
DOYLE
This is for you, Darling!
Wrigley bursts into tears.
WRIGLEY
That's -- the most romantic thing
I've ever seen -- in my LIFE!
DOYLE
THIS IS FOR YOU, DARLING!
LATER
Marylin stands at the punch bowl accepting congratulations.
Miles approaches and draws her aside.
MILES
I'd like to offer my congratulations.
That was a beautiful gesture of
Howard's.
MARYLIN
Howard is a beautiful person.
MILES
Yes. He's a diamond in the rough.
And I have a feeling that someday
soon you'll be taking that diamond
and leaving the rough.
MARYLIN
Miles. Miles. Miles.
MILES
I am thrilled for you, but tell me
this... How'd you get Howard to do
it? I've addressed enough juries to
appreciate the power of suggestion,
but it seemed like he thought it was
his own idea.
MARYLIN
It was his idea. It was a gesture of
love and trust. Be happy for me,
Miles.
MILES
Well, when this goes south -- promise
you'll have dinner with me?
MARYLIN
(She holds a plate of
food for him)
Have you tried the duck?
MILES
I figure a couple of months. That's
how long it should take for the ink
on the settlement to dry.
He takes the plate of food from her.
MARYLIN
It has bones. Be sure to swallow
one.
MILES
Although knowing you as I do -- there
will be no settlement. This time it
will be complete and total
annihilation.
With a ROAR we CUT TO:
INT. LEAR JET COCKPIT
A uniformed pilot and copilot are cruising the corporate jet
high above a vast ocean of clouds. The pilot is wearing a
headset. After a long moment of listening he shakes his head.
PILOT
Jesus --
CO-PILOT
What --?
PILOT
-- I've heard some -- I've heard
some sick things -- in my --
CO-PILOT
What?!
The pilot reaches above his head and throws a small toggle
switch and the cockpit is Awash with the sound of screaming,
laughter and music:
MALE VOICE
Oh Casey Jones was the rounder's
name, T'was on the 6:02 that he rode
to fame!
INT. CABIN OF LEAR JET
Screaming with laughter, two naked damsels in conductor's
caps are pushing Rex Rexroth around the cabin on a miniature
locomotive. He is wearing his railroad boxers and bellowing
"The Ballad of Casey Jones."
BACK TO THE COCKPIT
CO-PILOT
Who is that guy?
PILOT
Rex Rexroth, the mini-mall king.
Getting to be the richest man on the
West Coast, from what they say.
The copilot shakes his head.
CO-PILOT
Jesus.
FROM THE SPEAKER
Hup! Come all you rounders if you
wanna hear...
CO-PILOT
Why're they going to Muncie?
The pilot shrugs.
PILOT
He's thinking of buying Indiana.
EXTERIOR
WHOOOSH -- the plane roars away.
INT. MILES OFFICE
MILES
And of course we shall have to
litigate. Sentence. Paragraph.
WIDER
A secretary seated by his desk is taking notes.
MILES
-- Naturally the first concern for
both parties is the welfare of little
Wendell junior. Nevertheless, we
question whether the continuing
expenses for his special ed classes
are truly justified given the great
strides --
Wrigley enters.
WRIGLEY
I'm sorry I'm late. I was having
lunch with Ruth Rabinow's assistant.
Guess what? Marylin Rexroth is
divorced!
MILES
(Delighted)
HA!
WRIGLEY
...and I hear she's richer than
Croesus.
MILES
Ah, but is she richer than Mrs.
Croesus?
WRIGLEY
She could buy and sell you ten times
over.
MILES
She deserves every penny. They pay
great athletes a fortune. Well,
Marylin Rexroth is an athlete at the
peak of her power.
He hits the call button.
MILES
Get me Marylin Rexroth Doyle.
WRIGLEY
What...?
MILES
She owes me a meal.
WRIGLEY
I'd stay away from her, Miles.
MILES
I know you would, Wrigley. But would
Kramer?
We hear the Receptionist Voice:
RECEPTIONIST
Mrs. Doyle for you.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT
We move in on one of the tables where Marylin and Miles sit
as a waiter pours them champagne.
WAITER
Le Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin, 1982.
MILES
Thank you. I'll take care of it.
As he fill Marylin's glass: Raises his own in a toast.
MILES
To victory.
MARYLIN
I don't feel victorious Miles. I
feel betrayed, abandoned and
humiliated. I have pictures of him
with another woman...
MILES
More pictures? My God, Marylin. You
can open an erotic art gallery.
MARYLIN
Did you invite me here to score some
cheap laughs.
MILES
No. Just to comfort you, and
appreciate you --
MARYLIN
(Reproachfully)
You really think I engineered the
whole thing. You think the marriage
and the divorce was part of some
scheme. You came here to celebrate
because you think I'm without morality
or soul. You --
(With difficulty)
sound like my mother.
The Waiter hands Miles a menu.
WAITER
Should we order?
MARYLIN
Yes, I -- well, I'm not really...
MILES
Not hungry, huh? Neither am I.
A long pensive moment.
Miles reaches across the table and takes her hand. She lets
him. He strokes it.
INT. CAR
Miles drives. Marylin sits silently looking out the window.
DOYLE MANSION
Miles pulls up to the huge house.
MARYLIN
Thank you. And good-night.
He takes her hand again.
MILES
Marylin --
She puts a finger to his lips.
Sadly, Miles relinquishes her hand.
She exits the car and walks up to the front door. Miles
watches her go.
INT. BEDROOM - MASSEY MANSION
We hear Court TV on in the background. Miles alone in bed,
reading Art In America.
ON THE TV
A Witness is being examined by the Prosecutor:
PROSECUTOR
...and he asked you if...?
WITNESS
..if I reckon I could find someone
to keel him his wife.
PROSECUTOR
Who asked you this?
WITNESS
Dean Leonard. Da defendant.
(Points to the
defendant)
That guy!
CLAP OF THUNDER -- BOLT OF LIGHTNING
In a boiling night sky.
There are distant, echoing wails.
WOOZY DUTCH TRACK
Along a pointing suitcoated arm.
SANDPAPERY VOICE
Eighteen hunnut billable hours. Twelve
hunnut'n twenty-one motions tuh
void...
The woozy track finds the cadaverous hand at the end of the
arm with an IV tube swinging from it. Miles stands next to
the arm. He's holding an assault type weapon.
SANDPAPERY VOICE
...five nunnut'n sixty faw summary
judgenents. A hunnut'n twenty-nine
thousand four hunnut'n seventeen
lunches charged...
Miles shoots -- Bonnie falls. Then Mrs. Guttman. Marylin is
next. Miles hesitates.
SANDPAPERY VOICE
Counseluh? Counseluh?
Miles points the gun at Herb.
RING. RING. RING.
MILES BEDROOM
He bolts up in bed, sweating.
RING
He gazes stuporously about, reaching for the ringing phone.
MILES
Hello?
MARYLIN
Miles?
MILES
Yes? Marylin?
MARYLIN
You're right about me. I am worthless.
I am nothing. I don't deserve to
live.
MILES
Marylin? When did I say...?
MARYLIN
I don't blame them for betraying me.
I don't blame Rex, or Howard or my
father. You see, Miles, I'm going to
tell you something about me. Something
you may or may not know. I suck!
We hear the SCREECH of Tires.
MARYLIN
(yelling at someone)
Screw you, asswipe!
MILES
Marylin? Forgive me but are you --
drunk?
MARYLIN
A little.
(Scream)
You get out of the car. That's right,
Fuctard. I'm talkin' to you!
MILES
You shouldn't be driving. Where are
you?
MARYLIN
I'm on Sunset. Near the Beverly Hills
hotel. Wanna meet me for a drink in
the Polo...?
MILES
I live right near there. The 800
Block of Maple. Come here. Marylin --
come here right now before -- just
come here.
MARYLIN
Okay. Should I stop at Starbucks and
pick up a blended for --
MILES
No. Don't stop.
MARYLIN
Okay Miles.
INT. DEN - MASSEY MANSION
Marylin sits in the den. She's had some coffee and, although
teary and disheveled, is no longer psychotic.
MARYLIN
I just cried when I got home. Somehow,
your disdain for me -- I'm pretty
tough Miles, but I'm human. All my
life people have been ascribing these
terrible motives to me. I used to
think they were jealous, or they
didn't understand, but... I dunno.
Maybe others see something in me.
Something I'm not even aware of.
Anyway, thank you for letting me
come here. I guess I was a little
drunk.
She takes the coffee cup and has a sip. She looks like a
lost waif.
MARYLIN
You have a very nice home, Miles.
Very inviting.
MILES
Thank you.
MARYLIN
You have wonderful art. I love that
lithograph. Hockney?
MILES
Yes. I just got that, actually. It
was a gift.
MARYLIN
From a -- girlfriend.
MILES
No. No. I don't have a... no. It was
from a client.
MARYLIN
No kidding. I'll bet you have some
very grateful clients. What'd Rex
buy you?
MILES
Rex sent me two humidors full of pre-
Castro Cubans.
Marylin looks at a photograph Miles has on a side table.
A WOMAN AND TWO SMALL BOYS.
The Woman has her arm around one of them. The other stands
close to her. Smiling, but awkward and tentative.
MARYLIN
Is that you?
MILES
Me. Yes.
MARYLIN
Oh. And that is -- mom?
MILES
Yeah. Mom. Mom and brother.
MARYLIN
You look like you were a very
sensitive child. You have expressive
eyes.
Miles walks over to look at the picture.
MILES
Hmmm...
MARYLIN
And your mother was very beautiful.
She must be proud of you.
MILES
She never particularly cared for me.
MARYLIN
She didn't love you?
MILES
No. She loved me. She would never
not love her son. She just didn't...
I wasn't her "type." She said I was
a very, colicky baby. You know?
Difficult. Not a good sleeper? Didn't
eat well? We got off to a bad start,
and she never seemed to recoup --
MARYLIN
She held that against you?
MILES
Apparently she was very disappointed.
MARYLIN
Boy. Boy, oh boy.
Marylin looks at the picture again. And yes -- you can see
how hesitant Miles was. Marylin is moved. A flash of something
genuine crosses her face.
MARYLIN
And here I thought my mother was...
MILES
Your mother was.
MARYLIN
Oh right. You met Patricia.
She takes a sip of coffee. Regards Miles.
MARYLIN
We're damaged goods.
MILES
No, we're not!
MARYLIN
We are, Miles. You know I'm right.
There's something "off" about you
and me Miles. And maybe it isn't
because of these women -- maybe they
were just extremely insightful and
recognized our "deficiencies" very
early on. Maybe...
MILES
That is bullshit! Mine is a bitch
and yours is a psycho. I can't believe
you're saying this, Marylin! There's
nothing wrong with us. We're
attractive and charismatic and
successful and... I like us.
MARYLIN
I'm sorry Miles. You shouldn't listen
to me. I'm sure you have a very
fulfilling life. I'd better go. I'm
depressing.
MILES
No.
MARYLIN
Thank you for the coffee. It's very
robust.
She stands. Picks up her purse. Walks over to him with an
outstretched hand.
MARYLIN
Friends?
MILES
Don't go. Stay with me for a while.
He doesn't release her hand. Instead he draws her to him,
and kisses her. She kisses him. He kisses her back. She...
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Mile and Marylin -- making love.
LATER
They are in post coital wrap.
MILES
I have to say -- I'm speechless. No.
I'm never speechless.
MARYLIN
I'm a little embarrassed. I'm not
used to losing control with such --
volume.
MILES
And I'm not used to -- Marylin --
there's something I want to ask you.
MARYLIN
What is it Miles?
MILES
I want... I want to...
She waits, puzzled.
MILES
I want to be your -- your wife.
MARYLIN
Huh?
MILES
No... That wasn't right. I want YOU
to be MY wife.
MARYLIN
Did you just propose to me?
MILES
Yes. I am. What else could those
words mean? I believe we belong
together and we can make one another
happy. And we should be happy because
happiness is better than the
alternative which is -- just jump in
any old time, Marylin. You have more
experience at this than I do.
MARYLIN
Yes.
MILES
Yes? Yes, you do have more experience?
MARYLIN
Yes, Miles. I accept.
MILES
You do?
MARYLIN
Do you want me to sleep on it?
MILES
No.
MARYLIN
Do you want to sleep on it?
MILES
No ma'am. I have been asleep all my
life up to this moment. Marylin,
will you marry me?
MARYLIN
Yes. Again.
They kiss.
MILES
I don't have a ring!
MARYLIN
I know.
MILES
I have a watch.
She laughs. Kisses him.
MARYLIN
I'm happy.
INT. CHAPEL
Miles and Kenneth wait. Dressed in suits. Miles looks nervous.
KENNETH
I'm happy for you, pal.
MILES
Thanks, buddy.
KENNETH
Is she Asian?
MILES
Asian? No.
KENNETH
Well... I'm still...
Wrigley, rushes in, carrying a briefcase.
MILES
Wrigley?
WRIGLEY
Miles.
MILES
Kenneth this is my associate, Wrigley.
Wrigley this is my friend, Dr. Beck.
WRIGLEY
The plastic surgeon! I read about
you in LA Style.
MILES
Do you have it?
KENNETH
I have it.
MILES
You have the pre-nup?
KENNETH
No. I have the ring. Was I supposed
to have a pre-nup?
MILES
No. You have the ring. Wrigley has
the pre-nup.
KENNETH
Oh. I thought maybe --
(He sees someone)
Gee!
Marylin enters. She looks outstanding. Her friends, Sarah
Sorkin and Ramona Barcelona (who is now visibly pregnant)
accompany her.
SARAH
Dr. Beck!
KENNETH
Sarah! How are you?
MILES
You know each other? Of course you
do.
RAMONA
You're Dr. Beck? I have an appointment
to see you in March. Right after I
lose the babyweight. Which of course,
will be after I have the baby...
MARYLIN
Sarah Sorkin. Ramona Barcelona --
this is Miles Massey.
SARAH
Hello Miles.
RAMONA
Congratulations Miles.
MILES
Hi. Hello.
(To Marylin)
Marylin. You know my young associate,
Wrigley.
MARYLIN
I do. He was at my divorce and my
wedding. What would a marital related
event be without Wrigley?
WRIGLEY
It has become a tradition, hasn't
it?
MARYLIN
I loved the berry spoons.
(Wrigley beams)
I didn't have any. Thank you.
MILES
Well, Wrigley brought something else
for you today, darling.
Wrigley pulls a sheaf of papers from the briefcase.
MILES
This -- is the Massey Pre-nup.
Wrigley hastily pulls a ballpoint from his pocket and clicks
it. Miles grabs the pre-nup, and as he turns to Marylin, his
tone softens.
MILES
Marylin, you're welcome to examine
it, but as you know -- it's iron
clad.
SARAH
It is. It's famous.
WRIGLEY
I tried to reach Ruth, but we couldn't
get her.
MILES
We wanted Ruth here for your
protection as well --
WRIGLEY
The Judge is here. Over here, Judge
Munson.
MARYLIN
Wasn't she the Judge at my divorce
hearing?
MILES
Yes. Short notice you know, but I
think there's nice closure to it.
Hello Judge Muson. A pleasure as
always.
JUDGE MUNSON
What's up with you two.
MILES
We're getting married.
Judge laughs.
JUDGE MUNSON
What's the gag?
MILES
A gag? No.
Marylin looks at the pre-nup. Then pulls Miles aside.
MARYLIN
Excuse me, Judge Muson.
JUDGE
You got it, Patty.
MARYLIN
(To Miles)
You brought a pre-nup to our wedding?
MILES
Yes.
(She isn't having the
expected reaction)
It's for your protection, sweetheart.
You're the one with the -- the...
WRIGLEY
-- the coin?
MARYLIN
Miles. I don't want to sign this. I
want this marriage to be different.
Okay. Judge Munsen and Wrigley are
here, but other than that...
JUDGE
Should I go out for a smoke?
MILES
No. Judge -- just a sec. But Marylin,
if we sign it, I can't hope to benefit
from the marriage.
MARYLIN
(Sadly)
Oh Miles!
MILES
What I mean is, your wealth is
completely protected.
As if a lead veil had been drawn across. She looks deep into
his eyes. Into his soul.
MARYLIN
Miles. Listen to me. You are about
to become my husband. I don't want
to be protected from you. I want to
be protected for you.
WRIGLEY
(Moved)
Ohhh...
MILES
But?
MARYLIN
I want this to be a marriage based
on love, trust and community property.
That's all I've ever wanted.
SARAH
But Marylin, without this, you're
completely exposed.
MARYLIN
I want to be exposed.
RAMONA
You're vulnerable.
MARYLIN
It's about time.
JUDGE
You're a sitting duck.
MARYLIN
(To Miles, with great
affection)
Quack.
INT. CHAPEL
Miles and Marylin stand before the alter.
JUDGE MUNSON
Do you, Miles Herbert Massey of Massey
Meyerson take Marylin Hamilton-Rexroth-
Doyle?
MARYLIN
Yes.
JUDGE MUNSON
"Doyle", to be your lawful wedded
wife to --
MILES
I do, yah I do, uh huh --
JUDGE MUNSON
Let me finish!
She glares at Miles.
JUDGE MUNSON
-- Jesus! Haven't you ever been
married before?
Chastened, Miles bows his head.
JUDGE MUNSON
-- To have and hold, to love and to
cherish, till death do you part?
There is a long beat, through which Miles stares at his shoes.
Marylin looks at him.
MILES
-- I do.
JUDGE MUNSON
And do you, Marylin Hamilton-Rexroth
Doyle, take Miles Herbert Massey of
Massey Meyerson, to be your lawful
wedded husband, to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish, till death
do you part?
MARYLIN
I do.
JUDGE MUNSON
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Wrigley bursts into tears.
THE MARRIED MASSEY MONTAGE
CUT TO:
INT. MASSEY HOUSE - MORNING
Miles and Marylin asleep in bed. The ALARM RINGS. Miles wakes,
turns to his beautiful wife -- kisses her good morning.
She gives him a sleepy Smile.
Miles dressing for work. Marylin, in a Sabia Rosa bathrobe
places a tray with coffee next to him. He holds up two ties
for her-approval. She selects one. He puts it on.
Miles and Marylin reading Newspapers while eating breakfast.
She serves him a bowl of fruit and indicates Wrigley's berry
spoons. They laugh heartily.
Marylin waves good bye as Miles backs drives to the office.
She waves at the gardeners who blow palm fronds around the
lawn.
MILES OFFICE
He has managed to fill his credenza with pictures of married
life. Due to its brevity -- these pictures are uneventful,
the Massey's wear the same outfit in most of them.
Miles works. He is interrupted by the voice of his SECRETARY.
SECRETARY
I have Mrs. Massey on line one for
you.
Miles picks up.
MILES
Mom...?
He laughs and laughs. We hear Marylin's laughter coming
through the receiver.
Miles exits a flower store with a bouquet of tulips. Marylin
at the doorway, greets Miles as he arrives home.
As Miles changes into his casual after work outfit, (khakis?)
Marylin sits at the edge of the bed. He's telling her about
his day, and she is rapt with attention.
The Massey's have a candlelit dinner of fish and pasta. The
tulips are in the middle of the table.
Miles and Marylin snuggle on a couch and watch Seinfeld.
Miles in bed on the new Frette Linen. A few too many pillows,
but he's making it work. Marylin enters the bedroom in a
nightshirt that is the perfect combination of innocence and
nastiness. He puts down his book as she gets into bed with
him.
They gaze at one another -- the picture of contentment and
impending lust.
CLICK - LIGHTS OUT
EXT. MASSEY MYERSON - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Miles is addressing the young associates.
MILES
For the first time in my life, I
stand before you naked...
vulnerable... and in love. Love. A
word matrimonial lawyers shy away
from. Ironic isn't it -- that I have
been frightened of this emotion which
is, in a sense, the seed of my
livelihood. But today, I am here to
tell you: Love should cause us no
fear. Love should cause us no shame.
Love... is good.
(He lets it sink in)
Let me ask you a question. When our
clients come to us confused, angry,
hurting because their flame of love
is fluttering and threatens to die --
should we seek to extinguish that
flame, so that we can sift through
the smoldering wreckage for our paltry
reward? Or should we seek to fan
this precious flame -- this most
precious flame -- back to loving,
roaring life?
The young associates look confused. Wrigley raises his hand.
WRIGLEY
Extinguish?
MILES
Should we counsel fear -- or trust?
Should we seek to destroy -- or to
build? Should we meet our clients'
problems with cynicism -- or with
love?
MILES
(another raised hand)
Kramer?
KRAMER
Build?
MILES
The decision of course, is each of
ours. For my part, I have made the
leap of love, and there is no going
back --
Herb Myserson sits in the back of the room. He watches,
breathing heavily.
INT. DEN - MASSEY HOUSE
Miles and Marylin watching a cable movie crowded together on
the small sofa.
MARYLIN
I'm sorry. I'm squishing you. I'll
move to the...
MILES
No. Stay. I want you close to me.
This couch is wrong. It's not a
"married couch."
He surveys his surroundings with a critical eye.
MARYLIN
Honey, I could sit...
MILES
In fact, this is not a married house --
it's a bachelor pad.
MARYLIN
Hardly. You have six bedrooms
MILES
I know. But I've converted most of
them into ridiculous "Guy" rooms --
a billiard room, a card room, a gym --
Honey, want you to go out, as soon
as you feel up to it -- and buy
married things. Woman things.
Personalize it. Marylinize it. Make
this your house.
He hands her a credit card.
MILES
Here's my card. Spend as much as you
want. We get mileage.
MARYLIN
Well, I suppose I could "girly" it
up for you with a little Fortuny,
and some passementerie --
MILES
Good.
(Beat)
Are those foods?
MARYLIN
Fabric and fringe.
MILES
Exactly. And then -- maybe -- not
right away -- There's a room right
off the bedroom -- It would be perfect
for a nursery.
(He takes her hands)
It's a walk in humidor right now --
but if I took out the refrigeration
unit --
MARYLIN
Miles.
MILES
I think a nursery should be right
off the master suite. My parents put
mine in the guest house. Apparently
they did have a Fisher Price intercom,
but my mother turned it off when I
was seven months old because I was
so --
She stops him with a kiss.
MILES
You want children, don't you?
INT. QUATRAIN ANTIQUES - DAY
A pricey antique store near Melrose.
RAMONA
You said 'yes' didn't you?
MARYLIN
I said yes.
She picks up an antique Chinese bowl.
MARYLIN
Is this Ming?
SARAH
It's not Ming. It's Tong.
RAMONA
Is Tong older than Ming?
MARYLIN
I think Ming is older than Tong.
(To the Salesman
hovering nearby)
What is this?
SALESMAN
That is a Chinese Prayer Bowl. It's
Chen dynasty.
MARYLIN
Ok. I'll take it.
He sets it aside next to the formidable pile of loot the
girls have accumulated.
MARYLIN
I can't do this anymore. Let's get
some lunch.
SARAH
What about rugs? I thought we were
stopping at Mansour?
MARYLIN
Right.
SALESMAN
(To Marylin)
And will this be check or --?
She hands him the Platinum Visa.
SALESMAN
(Glances at it)
Very good, Mrs. Massey.
He trots off with the card.
Marylin absently fingers an antique guided candelabra.
MARYLIN
(Sigh)
Well. He said to "make the house
mine."
RAMONA
Oh boy. If he only knew.
MARYLIN
Yeah. I guess. You know --
SARAH
What?
MARYLIN
He's not what I expected. He's very --
he's so -- happy.
SARAH
But you're going through with it?
MARYLIN
Yes, yes, it's just -- you know I've
never been the first wife. Rex was
married before me.
SARAH
So what?
MARYLIN
Miles is different. He's still so
idealistic.
SARAH
Well, that's about to change big
time.
MARYLIN
He has no cynicism or anger. For
once I'm not the repository of rage
at some other woman.
SARAH
Soon, you'll have your own rage!
MARYLIN
I guess.
INT. FLOWER STORE - EVENING
Miles is buying a huge bouquet of flowers. As he exits he is
stopped by a WOMAN. She is in her 40's but looks older.
WOMAN
Wait. I know you.
MILES
Yes?
WOMAN
You're Miles Massey! You probably
don't recognize me. The drugs made
me put on weight and grow facial
hair.
MILES
Excuse me?
WOMAN
You ruined my life you sonofabitch.
Gimme those.
She grabs the flowers. Pulls petal off one of the roses and
eats it.
WOMAN
But my brother got you. He got you,
you slimeball.
A NURSE runs over.
NURSE
Emily!
MILES
What are you...
(To the nurse)
Is she yours?
WOMAN
Howard Doyle is my brother? You know
my brother, Howard Doyle. You do
know my brother, don't you?
NURSE
I'm sorry, Sir. Emily. Give the man
back.
MILES
Yes, I know Howard Doyle.
WOMAN
He tricked you. With a phony wife
and a fake pre-nup. Howard Doyle. He
got you. You married Marylin, didn't
you? You thought she had money. HA
HA HA. Howard Doyle made you think
that because of what you did to me.
And to Marylin Rexroth. Yeah. I heard
all about it. My brother Howard Doyle
got you.
(singsong)
Neener neener neener.
INT. RUTH RABINOW'S OFFICE
Ruth calmly watches Miles ranting around her office.
MILES
He divorced his wife -- he married
Marylin -- he divorced Marylin --
and he -- remarried his WIFE? What
kind of sick --
RUTH
Marylin was friends with Howard and
Amanda Doyle. They don't like the
way you operate. They helped her.
MILES
He never ate the pre-nup, did he!
RUTH
I have no idea what Howard Doyle
eats. I'm not a damn dietician.
MILES
Did Marylin end up with money?
RUTH
She's YOUR wife. Why don't you ask
her? Anyway, I assume she signed the
highly over rated Massey pre-nup.
MILES
I don't have a pre-nup
Miles hangs his head. Ruth sighs sympathetically.
RUTH
...The fault, dear Brutus, is not in
our stars...
MILES
Don't give me that crap. That's MY
crap.
RUTH
And it's good!
MILES
I'll have you suspended. I'll have
you disbarred.
RUTH
Don't threaten me, Miles. I did
nothing illegal.
MILES
...why did she do it, Ruth? Why?
RUTH
That's attorney client privilege.
(As she goes back
into her work)
Sorry, Miles. But as a great and
clever man once said, What's good
for the goose --
INT. MASSEY HOUSE - NIGHT
Marylin greets him at the door.
MARYLIN
Hi.
MILES
Hello Marylin.
MARYLIN
I have a surprise for you.
MILES
I bet.
She brings him inside. The place has been massively
accessorized. Antiques, rugs, lamps and assorted tasteful
chatchkies. There is a new Biedermeyer couch in the den.
MARYLIN
Ta Da.
Miles looks at it, expressionless.
MARYLIN
You don't like it?
He stares at her -- a very dark look.
MARYLIN
You don't like me?
MILES
(Flatly)
I love you. I want to have your baby.
MARYLIN
What's wrong Miles? Did I spend too
much?
She retrieves all the receipts from her purse.
MARYLIN
Miles. I have a very good relationship
with all the salesmen. I can return
everything.
MILES
Can you Marylin? Can you return the
trust? Can you return the hopes? The
dreams? Can you just...
(Bitterly)
SEND IT ALL BACK FOR STORE CREDIT?
MARYLIN
Miles? You're scaring me.
MILES
(Pulls himself together)
I'm sorry, Darling. I love it. It's
chic and timeless and elegant and
eclectic and. It's you, Marylin. It
is YOU.
INT. KITCHEN
Marylin is on the phone with Ruth.
MARYLIN
But Ruth -- things have changed --
yes -- yes I understand. But you see --
I couldn't file, did I? And maybe I
wasn't going to file. Maybe -- maybe
Ruth -- Yes. Okay.
OUTSIDE BEDROOM - MASSEY HOUSE - NIGHT
The bedroom door is closed. Marylin knocks repeatedly.
MARYLIN
Miles? Open the door, Miles. Please
open the door. I want to talk to
you. Miles? I'm coming in. Here I
come.
She pushes the door open. No Miles in sight. On the bed,
scrawled on a piece of mMm stationery, taped to one of the
mMm Frette pillows -- a note which reads -- "If you prick
us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If
you poison us, do we not die? AND IF YOU WRONG US SHALL WE
NOT REVENGE?"
INT. KENNETH'S HOUSE
Kenneth stares at the chessboard. Court TV is on the
background.
TV SCREEN
COURT TV REPORTER
We are back at the Trial of New Jersey v. Medrano. Mr. Medrano
is accused of killing his wife, Alicia in 1992. He claims it
was suicide. Let's return to the courtroom.
See the action in the courtroom --
The Prosecutor shows the jury an extremely large handgun.
PROSECUTOR
How far would this gun have to be in
order to inflict a wound without
leaving powder burns on the scalp.
EXPERT WITNESS
Approximately three feet.
PROSECUTOR
And how could Mrs. Medrano shoot
herself in the back of the head from
a distance of three feet?
KENNETH
Really long arms?
He moves a piece.
MILES
They won't get a conviction. The
husband called it in as a suicide.
The forensic guys weren't thinking
murder. I'm sure some of the evidence
was compromised.
KENNETH
It's your move, Miles.
MILES
(Sadly)
I already made my move, Kenneth.
INT. MASSEY HOUSE
A private yoga class. Marylin, Sarah and Ramona are in the
plow position. The yuppie Sikh instructor places his weight
on Sarah.
SARAH
Vishu! Knock it off. That hurts.
VISHNU
Breathe through it.
Sarah tries a few deep breaths. Marylin concentrates hard.
VISHNU
That's good, Marylin.
MARYLIN
I don't even know where he is. He
looked so devastated. If I could
just talk to him for a few minutes.
SFX DOORBELL
MARYLIN
Was that the bell?
RAMONA
It sounded like a bell.
MARYLIN
I'll be right back.
INT. HALLWAY - MASSEY HOUSE
Marylin walks to the door. Opens it. Two POLICE OFFICERS.
MARYLIN
Yes? Can I help you?
POLICE OFFICER
Marylin Hamilton Rexroth Doyle Massey?
MARYLIN
Yes.
POLICE OFFICER
We have a warrant for your arrest.
MARYLIN
What?
INT. POLICE STATION - MONTAGE - DAY
Marylin is photographed front and profile. She is finger
printed; she is searched and relieved of her jewelry; and
finally, she is throw into a holding tank with several other
women -- trapped. She clings despondently to the bars.
INT. POLICE STATION - DAY
Ruth is admitted to the holding area.
INT. HOLDING TANK - DAY
A Police Officer walks down the hall. Unlocks the door.
POLICE OFFICER
You can go now, Mrs. Massey. Someone
made bail.
Marylin exits.
INT. RUTH'S CAR
Marylin sits next to Ruth.
MARYLIN
Forgery and Fraud?
RUTH
You used his credit card.
MARYLIN
He told me to -- he said he wanted
me to --
RUTH
Quite a little shopping spree. How
do you spend six figures in less
than six hours? Oh, never mind I've
seen it before. I've seen everything.
MARYLIN
Do you think he set me up? Do you
think that was his intention?
RUTH
Like I know his intention? Or yours
for that matter?
(Sighs)
I should join Sam. I'm too old for
this bullshit.
MARYLIN
He never even asked. He just assumed --
RUTH
He was right, wasn't he?
MARYLIN
So. Now what?
RUTH
Now? Well, Marylin, now you cut a
deal or find out how Jean Harris
made it work for her.
INT. MASSEY HOUSE - DAY
Miles opens the door. Marylin is standing there.
MILES
Well. Well. Well. Look who made bail!
MARYLIN
May I come in?
MILES
I don't know. Maybe I should grab my
mace. I'm a civil attorney. I have
little experience with "the criminal
mind."
MARYLIN
I'd just like to pick up a few of my
things
MILES
I don't believe you have "things."
MARYLIN
On the contrary. We're married and
we have no pre-nup, so a case could
be made that everything in here is
mine.
Marylin walks into the den. Sits on the new sofa.
MARYLIN
Comfy!
MILES
What do you want?
MARYLIN
I want to nail you ass.
MILES
Are you threatening me, because I'm
sure that's a violation of the terms
of your bail.
MARYLIN
I'm reporting you to the IRS.
MILES
The IRS? They owe me. I'm expecting
a refund.
He laughs. She looks at him, dead serious.
MILES
I'm clean with the IRS. I've reported
every dollar I've ever made. Try
again, girlfriend.
MARYLIN
I'm not talking about dollars,
studmuffin. I'm talking about --
She opens a humidor and takes out a Cigar.
MARYLIN
STUFF.
(Chomping on the Cigar)
Got a light?
MILES
What kind of "stuff?"
She reaches into her purse. Pulls out a Dunhill and expertly
lights the cigar.
MARYLIN
Arty Farty stuff.
(Pointing to the
Hockney)
Lithographs and pre Castro Cubans.
Watches and mileage on private jets.
Stuff, Miles. Stuff you get from
grateful clients.
MILES
Those are gifts.
MARYLIN
Salary. Unreported income.
(Glancing at his watch)
By the way, what time IS it on
Bellagio Road?
MILES
You can't prove anything.
MARYLIN
I don't have to. That's what the IRS
guys do. And they do it with great
zeal. See, they work at these tortuous
civil service jobs, and when five
hundred dollar an hour boys like you
take their trade out in luxury
goodies, these saps feel.. well,
they feel like saps. And they feel
bitter and they feel vengeful and
they feel WRATH.
(Puffing on the cigar)
What is this? A Romeo and Julieta?
MILES
You're out of your league, Marylin.
Rexroth was a primate. I'm a
professional.
MARYLIN
I know. So am I, right? And so is
Agent Wilson of the Internal Revenue
Service. He's a dedicated, underpaid
graduate of Southwestern University --
very tenacious, and never more so
than when he's dealing with an
unscrupulous colleague.
(She stands to leave)
I think it's only fair to warn you:
I'm going to file an action, Miles.
And after a decent interval I plan
to have Ruth seek an injunction that
will forbid your approach within 500
feet of my house.
MILES
Meaning my house.
MARYLIN
I believe the residence will be part
of the settlement.
MILES
Did our marriage ever mean anything
to you?
MARYLIN
Drop the bogus forgery charge and
I'll forget about your generous
friends slash clients.
MILES
That's blackmail.
MARYLIN
That's marriage.
She gives him a peck on the cheek. As she leaves:
MARYLIN
You'll always be my favorite husband.
Miles sits dejectedly on the new sofa looking at the
paintings. He looks at the watch. And the cigars. And the
picture of his mother.
MILES
Pity you can't be here. You'd enjoy
this.
CLOSE ON A BAG OF FLUIDS
We pull back from the milky yellowish bag of fluid to show
that a nurse is unhooking and removing it from under Herb
Meyerson's wheelchair where it collects drainage.
She now places it up on the IV gantry and connects, and swaps
the now empty drip under the wheelchair to collect drainage.
We are once again in Herb Meyerson's gloomy office, its
venetians blocking most of the light and making Herb a dark,
enigmatic figure.
HERB
This woman has humbled, shamed and
disgrazed the entire foim.
A reverse shows Miles standing in front of Herb's desk.
MILES
Yes Herb,
HERB
Counseluh, this foim deals in powuh.
This foim deals in p'seption. This
foim cannot prospuh... nor long
endowwa. if it is p'seeved as dancin'
to the music..
He waves his free arm to the beat of music unheard.
HERB
-- of the hoidy-goidy.
MILES
I understand Herb... I just... for
the first time in my career -- I
don't know what to do. I'm a patsy.
A sitting duck. I'm lost.
HERB
Lost! I'll tell you what you can do,
you can --
He brings himself up short and turns to the nurse.
HERB
-- leave us.
She heads for the door.
HERB
-- You can act like a man. Let me
tell you sumpn, smart guy. You tawt
you had it all figgud out. Trust.
Marriage. All ya goddamn love love
love. Well now you lissean me. I'm
gonna talk to you about the goddamn
LAW.
He climbs unsteadily to his feet and tries to pace,
gesticulating, with the IV swaying dangerously behind him.
HERB
-- We SOIVE THE LAW! We HONUH the
law! We make our goddamn bread and
BUTTUH by the law! And sometimes,
counseluh, we OBEY THE LAW --
He pauses to let this sink in.
HERB
-- but conseluh -- This is not one a
those times.
INT. BEDROOM - MASSEY HOUSE
Miles is in bed, morosely watching Court TV.
TV SCREEN
Close on NIKKI ROSEN - A COURT TV ANCHOR
NIKKI
We are interrupting our scheduled
weekend coverage because we have
just received word there is a verdict
in the Kentucky v Leonard Case. We
now join the case -- live.
THE COURTROOM
BAILIFF
(Reads)
Of the charges of murder in the first
degree, we the jury find the defendant --
not guilty.
THE STUDIO
Nikki speaks to her Guest Host.
NIKKI
He got away with it.
GUEST
Simpson started a trend.
CUT TO:
CLOSE ON
An edgy looking gangster, JOE. He is perspiring heavily. He
breathes through his mouth with the rasping wheeze of an
asthmatic.
His labored breath rattles as he stares across the table at
someone off. At length, a voice:
VOICE
...Are you Joe?
Still staring, but perhaps by way of answer, the gangster
raises an inhaler, sticks it in his mouth, and squeezes.
WHUSH.
GANGSTER
...Dumbarton?
A reverse shows Miles seated across a small round table in a
seedy low-lit clam house. Photos of Ted Kennedy and the Pope
adorn the walls..
MILES
I am here representing Mr. Dumbarton,
on a... matter of some delicacy.
GANGSTER
Who's the pigeon?
MILES
Excuse me?
GANGSTER
Who do you want me to kill?
MILES
Well -- I, uh, that is to say Mr.
Dumbarton -- would like you to uh,
neutralize a, uh, business associate
by the name of Marylin Rexroth Doyle
Massey uh Dumbart -- uh, Massey.
GANGSTER
Is that... one person?
MILES
Here's her picture...
He is shoving an envelope across the table.
MILES
...and the address where she's
staying. It's the residence of a Mr.
Massey. Uh, Dumbarton. Massey. Uh,
it's not Mr. Dumbarton's house. Though
he's not involved. And because of an
impending legal action this needs to
happen within a certain... time frame.
Uh... on an expedited basis.
The gangster stares expressionlessly. He raises the inhaler
again and, with his eyes still on Miles, squeezes. WHUSH.
GANGSTER
You're in a rush.
MILES
Mr. Dumbarton is, yes.
A long beat. Finally, Miles explodes
MILES
She won't suffer, will she?
He bites a knuckle, gazing fearfully at the gangster. The
gangster stares impassively back.
GANGSTER
...not unless you pay extra.
INT. REX REXROTH MANSION
An enormous oak paneled room. Furnished with chairs sofas
and a huge circular bed. A fire roars in the far corner. On
the wall above the bed a film loop is being projected --
soft core pornographic images.
On the bed, Rex is surrounded by three naked beauties, smeared
in cola dust and wearing conductor caps.
REX
I've been working on the railroad --
TARTS
All the livelong day!
REX
I've been working on the railroad
TARTS
Just to pass the time away!
REX
Can'tcha hear the whistle... the
whistle... AWWWWWWW.
Rex hunches over, clutching his left arm.
One by one, the girls stop dancing and stare. There is a
somber silence, broken by another.
REX
Awwwwwww --
The girls are all watching now. One of them steps forward.
TART
-- Whatsa matter, Rexie?
INT. KENNETH'S HOUSE
A guest room. Dark, dirty and filled with empty bottles of
expensive French wine.
We hear a phone ringing in a different room. It rings several
times.
The figure on the bed stirs, rolls over, moans, clamps a
pillow over his head.
The ring of the distant telephone is interrupted and we hear
a muffled voice:
VOICE
Hello. Yes, he's here. Just a minute --
We hear approaching footsteps and Kenneth enters the
background, knotting a bathrobe. He turns on the light in
the room.
KENNETH
Miles. It's for you.
The figure on the couch pulls away the pillow. It is indeed
Miles Massey. He blearily takes the offered phone.
MILES
Hello. Yes -- what?! Yes -- I see --
After another listening beat he drops the phone away. He
remains staring dully out into space.
MILES
My God.
KENNETH
What?
MILES
That was Marvin Untermeyer.
KENNETH
Yes?
MILES
He was Rex Rexroth's personal
attorney.
KENNETH
What do you mean, was.
MILES
Rex just had a massive coronary. In
the middle of a business meeting.
He's dead.
Kenneth is mildly puzzled.
KENNETH
I'm sorry to hear that. But you
weren't close, were you?
MILES
Marvin says that Rex's will is four
years old. He never redrafted it.
KENNETH
Yes.
Miles voice is still flat, expressionless:
MILES
Everything goes to Marylin.
He looks up a at Kenneth.
MILES
She's rich. We're still married. We
have no pre-nup.
KENNETH
So, that's good, right?
MINUTES LATER
Miles paces with the telephone. He punches numbers with the
thumb of the hand holding the phone; his other hand holds a
coffee cup from which he takes trembling slurps.
VOICE
This is Joe. Wuddya need?
Then a beep.
MILES
Joe. This is Mr. uh... friend of --
we met. This is to instruct you it's
No Go! Do you understand me?! NO GO
on Marylin Rexroth Doyle -- No Go.
He slams down the phone.
KENNETH
Who was that?
MILES
That was -- oh, shit. What if he's
on his way over there?
KENNETH
Huh?
Consumed with remorse, Miles moans.
MILES
Marylin! What have I done?
KENNETH
I don't know, but don't call me
Marylin.
MILES CAR
Miles drives, speeding, taking corners hard while punching
numbers into his car phone.
MILES
Get her out, buy some time; get her
out --
INT. MASSEY MANSION - NIGHT
In the bedroom, the phone starts ringing. A hand enters to
pick it up. We follow the hand up to reveal
MARYLIN
Hello?
MILES SPEEDING CAR
MILES
Marylin?
MARYLIN
Miles? Miles! Where have you been?
I've been trying to get in touch.
MILES
You have to leave the house
immediately!
MARYLIN
I will, Miles. I will leave. But
Miles --
MILES
No buts. Now. Out.
MARYLIN
Just listen to me. I'm sorry, Miles.
It's true that my initial intention
was to...
MILES
Please! Leave the house.
MARYLIN
I fell in love Miles.
MILES
So did I. Now pack up a few basics
and --
MARYLIN
You do? You do love me?
MASSEY MANSION
Marylin hangs up the phone.
She walks slowly around the room, pausing at the mantelpiece
to pick up a framed picture of Miles, which she
contemplatively regards.
We pan with her continued walk to bring Joe into frame. He
stands with his back pressed to the wall. She's started for
a moment, but quickly recoups:
MARYLIN
Whoever sent you, I'll pay double.
JOE
Mr. Dumbarton.
She shows him the picture of Miles.
MARYLIN
Is this Mr. Dumbarton?
JOE
No...
She cocks an eye at him.
JOE
That's his lawyer.
MARYLIN
Triple!
JOE
Who's the pigeon?
We faintly hear a car screeching to a halt.
EXT. MASSEY MANSION
Massey exits the car. He clutches a can of mace.
INT. MANSION
We hear a key scrape in the lock. The front door swings open
onto a dark foyer as Miles tiptoes in.
MILES
(Whispers)
Marylin?
DINING ROOM
Miles tiptoes through, looking warily about. He backs through
the swinging doors connecting to the kitchen. Finds himself
face to face with Joe.
MILES
Joe! Thank God you're in time. You're
not in time. I'm in time. Thank God
I'm in time.
Joe stares at him.
MILES
It's a no go! Get it? No one any the
wiser. Okay!
He makes a cow-herding motion with his hands.
MILES
You can go home now! Goodbye! Thanks
so much!
Joe takes out his gun.
MILES
No no! No contract! It's all over.
This has no effect on Joe who is unscrewing his silencer.
Miles is exasperated. Suddenly -- Marylin appears.
MARYLIN
It's a no go, Joe.
MILES
Marylin!
MARYLIN
It's okay Joe.
Joe glances at both of them with barely concealed contempt.
MILES
Wait! He works for YOU?
MARYLIN
Now. But first, he worked for you.
MILES
You were going to have this thug...?
MARYLIN
Wait just a second there. You sent
him here. You unearthed this
pestilence.
JOE
You're calling me a pestilence? That's
a hoot!
MARYLIN
(To Joe)
I'm sorry. That was unkind and --
but, we changed our minds.
(To Miles)
Did you really mean what you said on
the phone. It wasn't because you
found out about Rex?
MILES
Nonono. Marylin -- I'm your husband.
I'd be entitled to Rex's money. No
matter what happened to you.
MARYLIN
That's true.
JOE
Lemme tell you something. You are
the pestilence. I'm the exterminator.
MARYLIN
Oh Joe, be happy for us. I'll pay
you the twenty thousand.
MILES
It was fifty for you.
JOE
(To Miles)
That's cause you're a lawyer. I gave
her the lawyer discount.
(Looks at Marylin)
But I shouldn't of. Cause you're a
whore. A whore who worships the
dollar.
MARYLIN
Well, actually, all whores worship
the dollar, if you want to get
technical.
JOE
Shut up. I was a lawyer. Just like
you. And my clients? Whores just
like you.
MILES
Were you with a firm?
JOE
Kaplan.
MILES
Kaplan? I know Kaplan. Wait. You're
Joe Gittelson? I knew you looked --
You were great -- we studied you.
JOE
Twenty years in "matrimonial law"
and it made me sick.
(He wheezes)
I broke up homes and families, never
givin' it a second thought. Till one
day. I had an epiphany. You know
what that is?
(They nod)
Came with a damn stigmata if you can
believe that! I said to myself --
Joe -- everyone you see wants blood.
Everyone wants their ex's dead. So
why jerk around with rest. You wanna
best serve your clients? Kill em.
Joe is raising the gun at Miles. Miles sprays him with Mace.
BANG -- Joe fires blindly, scrunching his eyes against the
chemical, sucking for breath like a jet engine revving for a
take-off.
SLAM -- Marylin elbows him in the face, breaking his nose.
She finishes with a solid groin kick. It slows him down, but
doesn't stop him.
Joe stumbles a bit, but regains his footing.
BANG -- Joe is rampaging around the room, still firing,
thumping at his chest with his free hand for his inhaler.
Marylin runs to Miles. He takes her hand and they run toward
the door, seeking egress.
BANG -- still firing, he pulls out the inhaler but blindly
bobbles it.
Joe reaches with his gun hand to keep the inhaler from
falling. He momentarily bobbles both gun and inhaler.
Miles pops up in front of him.
MILES
Marylin. Run. I'll distract him.
MARYLIN
I'm not leaving you. I took self
defense
Joe recovers and raises the gun to his mouth as he points
the inhaler at Miles.
He squeezes -- WHUSH -- Miles squints against the asthma
mist and lets out a horrified:
MILES
Joe!
BANG! The off-screen gunshot is followed by the sound of a
body dropping heavily to the floor.
Silence.
Marylin runs over to Miles. They look sadly down at the floor.
MILES
WE told him it was no go...
INT. MASSEY MYERSON CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Wrigley sits bouncing the steepled fingers of one hand against
the other.
Miles sits gazing sadly out the window.
The room is empty.
There is the whir of ventilation.
The click of the door attracts both their attention and brings
them to their feet.
Marylin walks in, chic and beautiful as ever, followed by
Ruth, who sits next to her, places her attaché case on the
table top, and snaps its clasps.
RUTH
Alright.
WRIGLEY
Ruth.
Miles and Marylin are looking at each other. Quietly:
MILES
Hello Marylin.
MARYLIN
Hello Miles.
MILES
Hard to believe this is the way it
will end up for us.
MARYLIN
It's not something I wanted either.
MILES
But then -- I guess -- something
inside me died when I realized that
you'd hired a goon to kill me.
MARYLIN
Yes. I know. It's exactly how I felt
when I realized you'd hired the goon
to kill...
RUTH
Now you both wait a minute. Nobody
hired anyone to kill anyone.
WRIGLEY
Hear, hear.
There is an uncomfortable shifting in seats. Wrigley looks
at Miles.
WRIGLEY
Apparently, from what I can gather,
a burglar broke into your house --
became despondent over his lifestyle
and shot himself.
Miles is still looking at Marylin.
MILES
Where does that leave us?
RUTH
We've outlined a settlement...
She pushes a piece of paper across the table.
RUTH
We think it's more than generous.
Miles ignores the paper, which lies unclaimed on the middle
of the table. He looks at Marylin.
WRIGLEY
My client is prepared to consider a
reconciliation.
Marylin looks a Miles.
MARYLIN
How could I trust you, after... after
all of this.
Miles, staring at Marylin, cuts in:
MILES
You wounded me first, Marylin.
MARYLIN
Your forgetting Rex Rexroth?
MILES
You're forgetting Howard Doyle?
MARYLIN
Forgery? Fraud?
MILES
Income tax evasion?
MARYLIN
Murder?
MILES
Murder!
MARYLIN
I don't see how we can ever find our
way back from...
Miles, with his eyes still on Marylin, reaches into his suit
coat. He withdraws a piece of paper, spreads it flat on the
table in front of him and, still gazing at her:
MILES
You know... there's nothing in the
Massey pre-nup that says it can't be
executed after the parties wed.
He decisively clicks the button on a ballpoint pen, looks
down at the paper in front of him and scribbles his name.
He pushes the paper across the table toward Marylin.
Gazing at him, seeking the truth in his eyes, she absently
picks up the paper.
There is a long silence. We hear only the hum of ventilation,
and Wrigley's quiet snuffling.
Ruth is looking down her nose through her glasses -- over
Marylin's shoulder -- at the sheet of paper. Marylin however,
looks only at Miles.
RUTH
It's the Massey pre-nup --
Marylin rips the paper in half.
RUTH
(bored)
O-kay. I'm going back to the office
Wrigley sobs openly.
RUTH
Come on Wrigley, I'll buy you a drink
and an anti depressant.
WRIGLEY
No one will ever love me that way.
RUTH
Not if you're lucky. No.
Miles rises slowly to his feet.
He puts his knuckles on the tabletop and leans forward.
Marylin rises slowly to her feet.
She leans forward.
They kiss.
MILES
Let's go home.
EXT. MASSEY HOUSE - DAY
We hear a SMASHING -- BREAKING.
Gardeners look up briefly from the leaf blowing -- but quickly
prioritize and continue blasting sycamore leaves from one
end of the yard to the other.
TRACK THROUGH HOUSE TO
INT. MASSEY BEDROOM
The smashing is becoming louder.
AN AXE
Breaks the beautiful wood panelling in the room next to the
master suite.
MILES
Wait. Just wait for one minute. Sweet
Jesus, are you crazy?
CONSTRUCTION WORKER LOOKS UP
he's the one wielding the axe. His co-worker casts a look in
our direction.
MILES
reaches under the rubble and removes one box of Cohiba
Especials.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER
Sorry, Mr. Massey. Thought you cleared
that shit out.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER #2
You know, man... those things'll
kill ya. I know all you old boomer
potheads like em. They're illegal,
and you get to put em in fancy boxes --
but -- shit man! It's still tobacco.
ON MARYLIN
Mightily pregnant.
MARYLIN
You know, sweets, he's right.
Miles casts a rueful look at the cigars.
MILES
Pre-Castro.
MARYLIN
Fine. They were created during a
dictatorship.
(Placing a protective
hand on her BIG belly)
What if something happened to you?
What would I tell little Gus when he
asked "what was my daddy like?"
Miles looks at the box, then at his wife. He tosses the box
to the concerned construction worker.
MILES
Here, buddy. These are for you.
The construction worker gives him a very hostile look.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER
(Mumbles)
Great. Now I can die.
MILES
Well. You'd say "they devoted a whole
semester at Harvard to your Dad. But
your Mom was the one that ever only
nailed his ass."
MARYLIN
Sweet.
MILES
I thought so.
FADE OUT:
THE END
Intolerable Cruelty
Writers : Matthew Stone John Romano Robert Ramsey Ethan Coen Joel Coen
Genres : Comedy Romance Crime
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